YOU found ME

I asked where have you been? He said ask anything.

-Where were you when everything was falling apart?

 

I don’t want to be the girl who has to hear the silence, the quiet scares me because it speaks the truth. It’s true. When you are alone, where its quiet, many things run throughout your mind. I sat today in my car, no music, and no people on the road ahead of me. It was 6:00 am, and it was a work/school day but it was as if the world was still asleep. I was tired and the morning air hurt against my face, I had about a million of things to do that morning. Why do we put things off until that last minute, or just completely put them off? I think a lot of it has to do with fear. Sometimes the fears are just based on making decisions. The fear of making a decision  you can’t undo. This was the first morning I realized that rushing all the time, getting things together, and making things as close to perfect was going to be impossible to do for the rest of my life. My mornings start off, with waking up then laying in bed for another five minutes wishing I could sleep in more. I get up, go to the bathroom do what I need to. Then I hop in the shower, that has to be my favorite thing. The way hot water feels on your body in the morning is pretty much amazing. It wakes you and refreshes you, and then I don’t want to leave the shower. I blow dry my hair and check the temperature outside so I can wear appropriate clothing, either way as much clothes as I wear my body seems to never be pleased, and i shiver my way to the car. You would thing going to a car would help and shield you from the icy air, but you would be surprised. Sitting in that car, waiting for it to heat up a bit is probably worse then getting out of bed, and leaving the warm shower all together. I try to make the best of my mornings, and I won’t lie I do succeed. But that morning rush is what I hate. Waiting in line at Starbucks for my tea, red light  after red light. It seems like everything goes slower when you are in a hurry. Then I get to school, and that is rush number 23823488234823832823, turning in work, running grabbing papers, then finally class time. Most people to me at least seem like class time is the worst time for them. For me its the best, its the calmest on most days and its the only time I’m not rushing. My mom always says if you had time you wouldn’t rush, but the thing is I have PLENTY of time, the problem is how much things I have to do. Therefore I conclude that putting things off is no longer going to work, at least for me.

SAVEaLIFE.

I found this little guy by the gas station huddled beside a bush. I named him Oreo, self explanatory I took him to Petco this morning and the guy there said he was only a week old, and possibly got lost, or his mother just abandoned him :/

 

He is so cute I put him in a little box filled with soft cloth,and he is laying on top of a electric blanket. I bought kitty milk formula, since he doesn’t have a mom this is the substitute for that. He really likes it, his belly gets full and he falls right asleep. I’m keeping him, at least until he get strong and big

Boundaries.

Fact # 3

Boundaries don’t keep other people out, they just fence you in.

How.

Newborns are so new. Nobody has harmed or neglected them yet. How do we get from there to here?

Questions

Fact # 2

Sometimes when you don’t ask questions, it’s not because you’re afraid that someone will lie to your face. It’s because you’re afraid they will tell you the truth.

The Game.

I have been thinking. I really like the thought of being a doctor, but the thought of sticking needles, and cutting people open makes me light headed. I wish I wasn’t so squeamish, it would be much easier. My mom always says that you can get used to, and passed anything that you want badly. But I really don’t think I could get over this. I can’t think of any reason why I would want to be a doctor, but I have about a million of why I shouldn’t be one. Being a doctor is the most reality you will ever see, you have other people’s lives in your hand. It’s like a game. You have your field that you play on. But when it comes to people’s lives, I guess it isn’t just a game.

It’s like working with Wilhelmina Slater.

So, it’s official I HATE her. Hate is a strong word I would say, but I mean it. I hate working with her, and how she thinks she is always right. First off, she apparently has no friends, and doesn’t ever go out, but yet she makes her life look oh so fabulous. Then she is on this new diet, that involves ordering food online and following their rules. HA. Ever heard of hitting the gym, and doing it nice the old fashioned way where you ACTUALLY see results? I was nice to her when I first met her, obvious thing to do right? But I regret it. I know I sound bitter, but how can you not, when its like you work with the devil. When I sit down and actually think about her I laugh, because she really has no life. And she always says not to cause drama, and how she hates it. But she starts it, funny right? Oh and the funniest of all, is that she thinks people like her. Someone help me, should I ignore her? Isn’t work supposed to be the place where you leave everything behind and just focus on work? I thought so, but apparently when all work is, is just another drama scenario.

Estrogen.

FACT # 1

If you look inside a girls heart, you’d see how much she really cries. You’ll find hidden secrets, best friends and lies, but what you’ll see the most is how hard it is to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong.

I hate this part.

I keep telling myself I’ll make this blog better and better. I’m lying to myself. I guess I have nothing to write about that might interest you, or maybe I have a lot to write about, but just don’t know how to. I doubt you want to hear about my life, but I could be wrong. What are people interested in reading about these days anyways. Rumors, politics, the economy and how we are on our way into the Great Depression all over again? I don’t want to write about these things, but then who is going to even read my blog. Lets look at reality, and write about that. Because I’m good at it. I read about 50 people’s blogs a day. From peoples lives, to Obama, and how hard people try to get where they are at. I feel like every blog is the same, no originality. Don’t get me wrong there is people who have very original random, unique blogs. But a lot of it is just about what we already know. I’m not promising better posts anymore. If you like it, read it. If you don’t, then I’m sorry.

 

+ I’m enjoying 2009 so far. Are you? I feel like I have finally realized that I need to make myself happy before I got out of my way for others. I’m not letting little things bring me down. I guess you can say my “resolution” is to be positive, and forget the little things. I admit, I let things eat me up way too easily. So I will try to let stuff slide by, the little things at least. 

I think it sucks, when you are willing to do stuff to make other stuff better, and that person says they will too. But then its like the same thing again. Different day, same story. It takes two to make things work. If you are willing to, I sure as hell am too. Someone once said, “The only way to love something, is to realize it could be lost.” I have realized this, hopefully you will to.

 

Sincerely, Téa

Longest hour of my LIFE.

That hour started when the phone rang during sixth period English. The phone rang, and I was called into the office. Whenever anybody gets called into the office, you can hear the whole class whispering about what they think that person might have done. Nobody seems to ever think that just maybe they aren’t in trouble. That was my case. I walked the long way to the office to take my time, dreading going back to that class and continuing on with The Great Gatsby. It was a cold day and the sky looked like the ash thats left over after a fire. I entered the office curiously, but to my disappointment all I was called in for was for the annual Blood Drive I had signed up for months ago. But then again I was thrilled, because it meant no going back to class. I grabbed my slip and headed towards the cafeteria where the event was taking place. When I entered the smell of blood crawled up my nose. It smelled like rust, and it made me light headed. To be honest I hate blood and giving blood, but its for a good cause, thats enough for me. I signed in my name and sat down in the chair. They recorded my blood pressure and made the chair go down, so that I was in a laying down position. Before I knew it, the needle was stuck in and sucking away at my blood. The minutes passed and the bag filled. I left the classroom towards the office at 3:01 PM, it was now 3:20 PM, time was going by slowly, and it wasn’t in a good way. I constantly looked up at the clock and every time only one minute had passed prior to the last. Was it me or was the bag filling up less then before? It was me. 3:50 PM, finally. The same nurse as before was by my side taking the needle out and wrapping my arm in a pink bandaid, and cutting out a heart shape with another bandaid and placing it on the bandaid where the needle had been sunk in. I had about 5 stickers that said “I DONATED!” on them, I don’t even know how they got on me, but there they were sucking onto the fabric of my shirt. I signed off and they thanked me, and I was done. It was exactly 4:00 Pm and I was headed home. The longest hour of my life had just passed, and it wasn’t the best hour. Lets just say I rather have been reading The Great Gatsby.