Waking Up

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but it does pass. Even for me…

 

 

Thank you, NEW MOON.

happpyyy birttthdaaaay

LOVE!

YOU found ME

I asked where have you been? He said ask anything.

-Where were you when everything was falling apart?

 

I don’t want to be the girl who has to hear the silence, the quiet scares me because it speaks the truth. It’s true. When you are alone, where its quiet, many things run throughout your mind. I sat today in my car, no music, and no people on the road ahead of me. It was 6:00 am, and it was a work/school day but it was as if the world was still asleep. I was tired and the morning air hurt against my face, I had about a million of things to do that morning. Why do we put things off until that last minute, or just completely put them off? I think a lot of it has to do with fear. Sometimes the fears are just based on making decisions. The fear of making a decision  you can’t undo. This was the first morning I realized that rushing all the time, getting things together, and making things as close to perfect was going to be impossible to do for the rest of my life. My mornings start off, with waking up then laying in bed for another five minutes wishing I could sleep in more. I get up, go to the bathroom do what I need to. Then I hop in the shower, that has to be my favorite thing. The way hot water feels on your body in the morning is pretty much amazing. It wakes you and refreshes you, and then I don’t want to leave the shower. I blow dry my hair and check the temperature outside so I can wear appropriate clothing, either way as much clothes as I wear my body seems to never be pleased, and i shiver my way to the car. You would thing going to a car would help and shield you from the icy air, but you would be surprised. Sitting in that car, waiting for it to heat up a bit is probably worse then getting out of bed, and leaving the warm shower all together. I try to make the best of my mornings, and I won’t lie I do succeed. But that morning rush is what I hate. Waiting in line at Starbucks for my tea, red light  after red light. It seems like everything goes slower when you are in a hurry. Then I get to school, and that is rush number 23823488234823832823, turning in work, running grabbing papers, then finally class time. Most people to me at least seem like class time is the worst time for them. For me its the best, its the calmest on most days and its the only time I’m not rushing. My mom always says if you had time you wouldn’t rush, but the thing is I have PLENTY of time, the problem is how much things I have to do. Therefore I conclude that putting things off is no longer going to work, at least for me.

SAVEaLIFE.

I found this little guy by the gas station huddled beside a bush. I named him Oreo, self explanatory I took him to Petco this morning and the guy there said he was only a week old, and possibly got lost, or his mother just abandoned him :/

 

He is so cute I put him in a little box filled with soft cloth,and he is laying on top of a electric blanket. I bought kitty milk formula, since he doesn’t have a mom this is the substitute for that. He really likes it, his belly gets full and he falls right asleep. I’m keeping him, at least until he get strong and big

Boundaries.

Fact # 3

Boundaries don’t keep other people out, they just fence you in.

How.

Newborns are so new. Nobody has harmed or neglected them yet. How do we get from there to here?

Questions

Fact # 2

Sometimes when you don’t ask questions, it’s not because you’re afraid that someone will lie to your face. It’s because you’re afraid they will tell you the truth.

The Game.

I have been thinking. I really like the thought of being a doctor, but the thought of sticking needles, and cutting people open makes me light headed. I wish I wasn’t so squeamish, it would be much easier. My mom always says that you can get used to, and passed anything that you want badly. But I really don’t think I could get over this. I can’t think of any reason why I would want to be a doctor, but I have about a million of why I shouldn’t be one. Being a doctor is the most reality you will ever see, you have other people’s lives in your hand. It’s like a game. You have your field that you play on. But when it comes to people’s lives, I guess it isn’t just a game.

It’s like working with Wilhelmina Slater.

So, it’s official I HATE her. Hate is a strong word I would say, but I mean it. I hate working with her, and how she thinks she is always right. First off, she apparently has no friends, and doesn’t ever go out, but yet she makes her life look oh so fabulous. Then she is on this new diet, that involves ordering food online and following their rules. HA. Ever heard of hitting the gym, and doing it nice the old fashioned way where you ACTUALLY see results? I was nice to her when I first met her, obvious thing to do right? But I regret it. I know I sound bitter, but how can you not, when its like you work with the devil. When I sit down and actually think about her I laugh, because she really has no life. And she always says not to cause drama, and how she hates it. But she starts it, funny right? Oh and the funniest of all, is that she thinks people like her. Someone help me, should I ignore her? Isn’t work supposed to be the place where you leave everything behind and just focus on work? I thought so, but apparently when all work is, is just another drama scenario.

Estrogen.

FACT # 1

If you look inside a girls heart, you’d see how much she really cries. You’ll find hidden secrets, best friends and lies, but what you’ll see the most is how hard it is to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong.